Can guys and girls just be friends?
My ex was adament that platonacy isn't possible, one side always wants more, he insisted. I've always disagreed but my position is fleeting.
I grew up with platonic relationships. My brothers. I truly believe that wired me to see men as friends. The kind of friends I would never even contemplate being intimate with because…well they're like brothers to me.
My girlfriends without brothers seem to have less of an interest in surrounding themselves with boys whom they're not romantically linked.
Is it the same for men? Are those with sisters more capable of upholding nonsexual relations with women? Those without, less?
Platonic friendships are, supposedly a two-way street. This requires guys to be somewhat selective in their affections, primal or otherwise. And from what I can tell, this is universally rare.
When Harry Met Sally provides us with timeless insight into intergender relations.
Harry: ...men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
...
Harry: You only think you do.
...
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Me? I ignore any comments or jokes that have potential to burst my platonic bubble. I engage in conversation about our respective love lives. I avoid trivializing the relationship. Essentially, I walk the line and hope he doesn't cross it.
I guess my point is...does it really matter if he likes you? What bearing do his feelings have on you unless he makes it a factor? Isn't it still platonic if you think it is and he hasn't compromised the friendship? Is ignorance bliss?
If most guys are willing to sleep with 95% of the girls they know, I'm working with a slim 1% margin. I just hope when I do find someone meeting my tough criteria, I don't fall in his remaining 5%, subsequently finding myself on the other side of the debate.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
My point is what’s the point? Any male friends WILL make a potential boyfriend jealous in the future. It’s not worth it. Unless you want to be perpetually single or in a jealousy riddled relationship, which will eventually end.
ReplyDeleteI guess I have no male friends because I’m a serial monogamist and I’ve never had the opportunity to meet and keep ‘just friend’ type men around. Boyfriends ultimately chase them away.
I really like having male friends. And, yes, I have a brother. Male friends remind me that men are good people, after a hard fall with one. Hearing their point of view on romance dilemmas helps me remember that they feel just as much as women and that men and women, really, are not THAT different. I think there is too much emphasis on our differences, and not enough of a focus on our similarities. That said, I'm friends with pretty sensitive guys..not the machismos. But I'm getting off topic. Blog it up Sass?
ReplyDeleteIt's natural, when you are in a relationship, to not spend as much time with your friends of the opposite sex. I really need the balance of both male and female energy in my life, and when I'm getting that from a bf, I tend to spend my limited social time with my gf's. They are, after all, the closer of the two kinds of friendships. And my bf's would tend to spend less time with their female friends as well, which I appreciate. Less time spent is understandable, but to cut them off is to lose a part of yourself, and I wouldn't want anyone to ask that of me, so I wouldn't ask that of them.
And as to whether there is any unrequited interest..well, as long as it doesn't play out, who cares? It doesn't mean you can't enjoy each others company, and are not true friends. That said, I think it's easier when there is a light attraction versus actual feelings from either side.
Jealousy is just insecurity rearing it's ugly head and can be managed. It's a natural feeling to have, but does not mean it needs to control one's actions. It is actually a sign that something needs to be addressed.